


Ruby Didn't Have a Penis

by jaylinbee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brothers, Coming Out, M/M, Male Slash (implied), Secrets, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-28
Updated: 2013-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-27 08:16:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/659796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaylinbee/pseuds/jaylinbee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean argue about what job to take next, but when Sam learns the true nature of Dean and Benny's relationship, it will tax the brother's relationship even further.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ruby Didn't Have a Penis

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Loudest Wish in the Room](https://archiveofourown.org/works/659165) by [jaylinbee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaylinbee/pseuds/jaylinbee). 



> A chapter excerpt from my novel length fic "The Loudest Wish in the Room." I rated it M because of its source work, but this chapter is probably really Teen and Up. Picks up around Season 8 episode 5, before Castiel's return.

Sam looked at his brother Dean exasperatedly.

“We are supposed to be following Kevin. I think we finally have a trail! This could be the end of all demons on this earth. Our last battle!”

“I am well aware of that Sammy.”

“Then why the hell are you suggesting we go to California? The trail points to Michigan!”

“These trails have been bullshit, and you know it. I’ve got something solid out in Cali that we could actually do something about.”

“Something solid. As in, you know exactly what is going on.”

“I know something bad is going on! My source has a handle on these kinds of things—”

“I’m sorry, which source is this? Because all the sources we’ve agreed on have either died or were left behind in purgatory in a story I’m just not privy to.”

“Will you shut up about Cas already? Don’t make me talk about him! He’s gone, that’s all you need to know.” There was pain in Dean’s eyes every time Sam brought up Castiel. Sam could see it, and he didn’t want to make Dean hurt, but he wanted desperately to understand what had happened down there. And how this vampire named Benny factored in to it.

“What I really need to know,” Sam pressed, “is has Cas been replaced?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Fresh anger and indignation flared up in Dean’s face.

“You know what I mean.”

“Bullshit I do.”

“Who’s this source of yours Dean? Is it Benny?”

“So what if it is Benny?”

“Benny is a _vampire_. Whenever I’ve befriended a demon in the past—”

“—Benny is not Ruby.”

“Well I should say not. Ruby didn’t have a penis. Which made her far less interesting to you.” The words were out before Sam could think to hold them back. But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it was time they started being a little more honest with each other.

“Fuck you Sam! You had better watch what you’re saying little brother!” Dean was getting really pissed. How far was Sam going to go with this?

“All I’m saying is that any time we team up with demons we get screwed. Or maybe that’s what you’re hoping for. I can’t believe you’ve gotten over Cas so quickly.” Sam braced himself for the smack, but it didn’t come. Dean looked furious, but he held back. He got quiet, scary.

“You trying to get punched here? Stop talking about shit you know _nothing_ about.” He said through clenched teeth.

“Well maybe I would know something about it if you would confide in me Dean! Otherwise, what am I supposed to think?”

“Sammy, I swear…”

“Please! Talk to me! Why do you trust this vampire, Dean? Because I don’t. Anymore than you trusted Ruby. Which turned out to be the right call! Anymore than you trusted Amy. You made that call for me, but deep down I knew it was the right one. So please give me one good reason why I should be teaming up with this guy, and not staking him through the heart?” Sam’s eyes were pleading now. Frustrated, but wanting to listen.

Dean tried to imagine explaining the Benny thing to Sam. The fact that the two of them had pretty much depended on each other in Purgatory, a place where alliances were not easily come by. The spark between them in the most desolate of places, finding comfort in their shared masculinity, their angry fire, their thirst for war, their mutual desire for survival. Benny’s strong arms and soft beard, his broken soul, his command of Dean’s body without guilt or apology.  He didn’t know how to explain this to Sam, knew he could never make him understand why he needed what Benny had offered. He searched his mind for something Sam might understand, something that wasn’t the whole, but was still the truth.

“He saved Castiel’s life, for one,” Dean tried, remembering the moment: Castiel’s weariness, Benny’s actions completely for Dean, regardless of the tensions caused by the angel’s reappearance. It wasn’t that Benny was good. It was that Benny was willing to do things because they were what Dean wanted. “He didn’t have to,” Dean continued. “He didn’t like Cas. But he did it cause it was the right thing.” He paused and looked for Sam to nod in agreement, acknowledgement, something. Sam looked like he was waiting for more. Dean soldiered on.

“Me and Benny, we were in the trenches together Sam,” he said, “and there is no way for you to know what that’s like. So I don’t know how to explain it to you. But Benny has my back. He’s the one that got me out of there.”

“Because he needed you to get himself out?” Sam countered.

“Sure. But it’s more than that now. And you’re just going to have to accept that.”

“More than that how? I just wish I knew what your motives were. What is Benny to you?”

“What are you really asking me Sam?” Dean asked angrily, not wanting Sam to answer.

“You know what I’m asking! What you never want to tell me! What you would never tell me about Cas, but I got it, and I think you know I got it. And I don’t know how many others there have been. Agent Henrikson, maybe?”

“Henrikson? What is this, a history lesson?”

“Am I just supposed to pretend I don’t notice? Because that’s what I always do. What I’ve always done.”

“So why change now?” Dean demanded.

“This is different! And I need to know so I can gauge where you’re coming from!”

“Oh, so you can gauge if I’m in my right mind? If I’m making major decisions based on my _feelings_? Or my fuckin’ libido? Because I do that shit so often? That is complete bullshit Sammy. You have no reason to second guess me on this.”

“I do if you’re sleeping with a vampire.”

Silence.

Sam’s statement hung in the air between them. Dean looked shocked- betrayed somehow that Sam had said it out loud. Like he’d gone back on their unspoken promise to leave certain things in the realm of ambiguity. Because Sam had.

“That’s none of your fucking business.” Dean said quietly.

“I think it is.”

Another silent beat. Dean swallowed dryly.

“Fine,” he barked. “I sleep with guys. We both know that. Not sure if dad ever knew. But whatever. There you have it.” Dean stared at Sam defiantly.

“I don’t care that you sleep with guys, Dean,” Sam said softly.

“Apparently you do care. Apparently you care a lot. Because this is not the conversation I wanted to have.”

“I care that you’re sleeping with a _vampire_. Because you are, aren’t you?” Sam didn’t know why exactly he was pushing for complete confirmation. Maybe it came back to Ruby, and how those kind of secrets could come back to fuck them both.

“Sex is just sex.” Dean said flatly. “Me and Benny have nothing to do with… me and anybody else.”

“Look, I’m not here to tell you how long you should mourn your boyfriend. My only concern is that you’re sleeping with a demon. And I know how that sort of thing ends. Better than most. And it usually ends with betrayal. And death.”

Dean winced inwardly at Sam’s use of the word “boyfriend.” Like Castiel could be reduced to that common human role, like they were some horny young professionals on a nighttime soap, fighting about stupid things like who deserved a bigger promotion or whether Cas’s overbearing father was getting in the way of their love. The idea that he could be “over it,” was ludicrous. 

“I’m not you, Sam. This is not the same as you and Ruby—”

“—seems kind of the same—”

“—it’s not the same! End of discussion.” Dean was fed up, pushed to his limit. “Now you got what you said you want. The straight up truth. Now it’s time to get in the damn Impala and go to California. My vampire fuck-buddy has a job for us to look into. And Last I checked you were off for a year, and I’m still the oldest, and it’s still my car, so we do this my way! Capiche?”

“Capiche,” Sam said resignedly. This was going to be a long ass drive


End file.
